Impossible Dream Quiz!!! :U

-List five things that you WISH would happen but that are totally and utterly impossible and you know this. You KNOW this.
Why? because they might be possible anyway |D you might as well speak 'em into existence and see what happens, eh?
-Aaaaaand tag like three people after this because tagging needs more love. It really does.
-Feel free to add more or less numbers to either of those if you feel like it :3

1. to have the abilities: drawing something and making it come to life; having complete control over paper (folding into origami birds and stuff or just shooting them at people and giving them papercuts XD); being able to turn into any animal i want (specifically a dragon), and also change size, so i can be a hugemongous gnat or a bity whale ^-^
ALL AT ONCE (all 3 of these powers)

2. to meet my perfect and true equal, where our moods can alter at the same times in order to fit each other, where we both feel the same things at the same time and tehrefore can satisfy each other's needs at those same times... in other words, if i need comfort and they need comfort, then we can comfort each other, if i need absolute and complete attention, and they do too, then we can attend to each other
someone whom fights are just a thing to laugh about in the end, someone who understands me just as i understand them, someone who will be there for me just as i will for them
complete devotion on both sides and everything
you get my point
my perfect counter that happens to be male whom i will marry and live happily ever after woot!

3. to live my life solely on art. as in, live HAPPILY and contently only on the money i make off of doing something i always like to do and am very good at, that is, art. with no rush and no worries about things, just for fun and also paying well without having to worry about looking for another job just to do for the money and all

4. to have a fairy tale happen to me, which is kinda basically 1 and 2 except not the same powers as 1, more like, i would have SOME power that makes me different from others, but i spend my life figuring out that power and meet my true equal in the process and find out he has something of the same power, or at least the same difference from others and we will go through a few hard times but in the end, we will live happily ever after
[[rofl, that sounds so dumbly hilarious, but idk]]

5. to publish a bestseller book
or one of the top books ever in existance
...that's be nice, yes yes.

6. to be able to exist in any of my stories at any time i feel like it. to become a character and not know what will happen, or to be one and know exactly how things will happen
basically, to have my stories happen like i'm in a dream, where i could know what will happen to me, or i could not know and figure it all out myself, or i could zoom out and watch my characters interact, i could see other character's thoughts, mix two stories, mix three stories, mix ALL stories (i had a day dream about that once, IT WAS SO AWESOME, cause i was A CHARACTER and i told everyone that i made thema ll up and so forth, it's just really cool and the only people who could understand are the ones who've read EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY STORIES which happens to be no one but me so yea)

7. to be in other people's stories as i see fit, and to change them up as much as i want to what i deem necessary, or to bring certain characters/creatures/powers/objects/etc to this world

8. to have all my dreams come true at once, where all will be in my power where i can change it as i please

as in, if i find out one of my wishes is one of those "careful what you wish for" wishes, then i have the ability to change it to something more fitting to my inner wishes which i cannot explain fully because i don't know them completely yet
just things i would fancy, and hopefuly they are my deep true wishes
if not, as i said, thsi wish says i can change it so it fits better

i tag YOU
(so if you read this, then YES YOU)

everytime i start complaining about the fact that no one listens to me and no one cares and stuff, it's really just the way i'm looking at it
everyone cares
tehre are tons of people and friends taht i have that care very much about me
so what makes me feel so down? so depressed that i torture myself AND my friends?

i'm focusing on just a few people
people i want to see me
people i wish i could be more with than whatever we are

and the sad thing is, if i look at it in a more adult mature point of view, this entire thought process is completely pointless
why am i looking for a companion when i am only 17 years of age?
when all the people i ever knew in my life are either gone or not even mature yet, still in highschool

i set levels of who i like the most, the least
why do i do that?

and the ones at the top of my list end up being worse than i thought they were when i meet them, and they shoot down the list because of that, making me start to get annoyed at THEM as if it were their fault that they didn't meet my high expectations

and as i said, i'm only in highschool! i'm barely satisfied with those at the top of my list but they are at the top, so i feel like i'm completely devoted and in love with them and think they are the only ones i'll stay with for the rest of my life and i can deal with their faults
but they are only the top of the list of highschool students

not a very broad variety of people, i'd like to emphasize.

so the top guy on my list right now may be at the bottom of my list when i meet more and more people
when i grow older and meet more mature people who have the same qualities but less faults!
hard to imagine when i'm in this hormone-crazy-control state



god it hurts to do the right thing
what if i'm wrong?
that's what i ask myself because i don't want it to hurt
i want to do something else to avoid the pain i have to go through

it hurts so much to lose a friend
we were so much more than friends, but it could never be
it was wrong to even think anything would work
and why did i keep going with it?
because i didn't want to lose this special feeling loving someone who actually loved you back

hell, i never even met him
but it hurts how easily he threw it away
i thought he was more mature than that...

-sigh-
it hurts when you find out a deep secret that explains everything that you should have seen but didn't let yourself because you were afraid of the pain
not that the pain would dissappear when you eventually figured it out
in fact, it's worse

you know when you really want something and you finally get it and you're excited for a while but then, it starts to not be something you really care about so much anymore?

you get it and you don't want it anymore
you would have freaked out if you didn't get it, but now that you have it, it could just sit in the corner for all you care
but once you lose it, you'll start wanting it again

you want what you can't have
but when you have it, then it's not in your interest anymore and you go look for something else to want

i feel like i'm going through this with someone right now
i feel like i want him so much but there's no way i can have him
i like to dream that i can, that somehow i could spend precious moments with him even though i know it's not forever
like i could just have him for comfort for a few months, just so i can get through these last months of highschool and finally start meeting new people and improving my list

but it feels wrong
how horrid! how can i just throw them away like that after highschool?
things can't work like that...
if i share things like that with him now, then it will only hurt to separate in the end, feel awkward to find someone else, it just wouldn't work out at all
plus, he probably wouldn't want to do this in the first place
maybe for the same reason, maybe not

..i wonder if he knows i'm talking about him
-sigh- conflictions: i want him to know and i don't want him to know at the same time

whatever happens, i'll be fine with it though
i'll take whatever comes at me
it's only a few months..
I WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!!
...right?



________________________________________
100 theme challenge:
Working on*
Thinking about...
Finished

1. Introduction
2. Love
...3. Light
4. Dark
5. Seeking Solace
6. Break Away
7. Heaven
8. Innocence
9. Drive
10. Breathe Again
11. Memory
12. Insanity
...13. Misfortune
14. Smile
15. Silence
16. Questioning
17. Blood
18. Rainbow
19. Gray
20. Cookies
21. Vacation
22. Mother Nature
23. Cat
24. No Time
25. Trouble Lurking
...26. Tears
27. Foreign
...28. Sorrow
29. Happiness
30. Under the Rain
31. Flowers
32. Night
33. Expectations
34. Stars
...35. Hold My Hand
36. Precious Treasure
37. Eyes
...38. Abandoned
39. Dreams
40. Rated
41. Teamwork
42. Still Standing
...43. Dying
44. Two Roads
45. Illusion
46. Family
47. Creation
48. Childhood
49. Stripes
50. Breaking the Rules
51. Sport
52. Deep in Thought
...53. Keeping a Secret
54. Tower
...55. Waiting
56. Danger Ahead
57. Sacrifice
...58. Kick in the Head
59. No Way Out
...60. Rejection
61. Fairy Tale
62. Magic
63. Do Not Disturb
64. Multitasking
65. Horror
66. Traps
67. Playing the Melody
68. Hero
69. Annoyance
70. 67%
...71. Obsession
72. Mischief Managed
...73. I Can't
74. Are You Challenging Me?
75. Mirror
...76. Broken Pieces
77. Test
78. Drink
79. Starvation
80. Words
81. Pen and Paper
...82. Can You Hear Me?
83. Heal
84. Out Cold
85. Spiral
86. Seeing Red
87. Food
...88. Pain
89. Through the Fire
90. Triangle
...91. Drowning
92. All That I Have
...93. Give Up
94. Last Hope
95. Advertisement
96. In the Storm
97. Safety First
98. Puzzle
...99. Solitude
100. Relaxation

PLEASE READ?
[link]

i need more motivation, but it sucks to ask for you to care because it ruins the concept, if you're caring just because i'm asking, then you're not doing what i'm looking for, so yeah

but anyway, i think i'll start writing again soon, please read and give feedback? your thoughts and feeligns about everything is great
what parts you liked, didn't like, what you think will happen,etcetcetc.

FROM AN OLD JOURNAL:
*******K so you all know i don't have a title for this story (hence i call it "unsure of title")
so.....................
for those of you who read it
do you think this would be sufficient enough?

Heart for Souls

or something to that effect?

A heart for souls

souls for a heart

human hearts and human souls

demon heart (maybe... but then it would be like.. emma isn't main character with that title, OOH THAT COULD BE WHEN I WRITE ABOUT KWA'S POINT OF VIEW!!!)

hearts for souls (s makes a difference)

[something] of heart and soul (i want to put something in the [something] spot but idk what... something like courage, or maybe love, or connection, or story? story would be good..)

(story of heart and soul)

story of [add all those titles i mentioned above for the new ideas]

etc

what do you think sounds best?
i can prolly think of more, but i really have to get started on my homework now.....********

i think "of heart and soul" sounds good, or something tha has to do with pure hearts or the human heart or something.. human souls?
demon heart is definately going to be the title of Kwa's point of view O.o



________________________________________
100 theme challenge:
Working on*
Thinking about...
Finished

1. Introduction
2. Love
...3. Light
4. Dark
5. Seeking Solace
6. Break Away
7. Heaven
8. Innocence
9. Drive
10. Breathe Again
11. Memory
12. Insanity
...13. Misfortune
14. Smile
15. Silence
16. Questioning
17. Blood
18. Rainbow
19. Gray
20. Cookies
21. Vacation
22. Mother Nature
23. Cat
24. No Time
25. Trouble Lurking
...26. Tears
27. Foreign
...28. Sorrow
29. Happiness
30. Under the Rain
31. Flowers
32. Night
33. Expectations
34. Stars
...35. Hold My Hand
36. Precious Treasure
37. Eyes
...38. Abandoned
39. Dreams
40. Rated
41. Teamwork
42. Still Standing
...43. Dying
44. Two Roads
45. Illusion
46. Family
47. Creation
48. Childhood
49. Stripes
50. Breaking the Rules
51. Sport
52. Deep in Thought
...53. Keeping a Secret
54. Tower
...55. Waiting
56. Danger Ahead
57. Sacrifice
...58. Kick in the Head
59. No Way Out
...60. Rejection
61. Fairy Tale
62. Magic
63. Do Not Disturb
64. Multitasking
65. Horror
66. Traps
67. Playing the Melody
68. Hero
69. Annoyance
70. 67%
...71. Obsession
72. Mischief Managed
...73. I Can't
74. Are You Challenging Me?
75. Mirror
...76. Broken Pieces
77. Test
78. Drink
79. Starvation
80. Words
81. Pen and Paper
...82. Can You Hear Me?
83. Heal
84. Out Cold
85. Spiral
86. Seeing Red
87. Food
...88. Pain
89. Through the Fire
90. Triangle
...91. Drowning
92. All That I Have
...93. Give Up
94. Last Hope
95. Advertisement
96. In the Storm
97. Safety First
98. Puzzle
...99. Solitude
100. Relaxation

Working on*
Thinking about...
Finished

1. Introduction
2. Love
...3. Light
4. Dark
5. Seeking Solace
6. Break Away
7. Heaven
8. Innocence
9. Drive
10. Breathe Again
11. Memory
12. Insanity
...13. Misfortune
14. Smile
15. Silence
16. Questioning
17. Blood
18. Rainbow
19. Gray
20. Cookies
21. Vacation
22. Mother Nature
23. Cat
24. No Time
25. Trouble Lurking
...26. Tears
27. Foreign
...28. Sorrow
29. Happiness
30. Under the Rain
31. Flowers
32. Night
33. Expectations
34. Stars
...35. Hold My Hand
36. Precious Treasure
37. Eyes
...38. Abandoned
39. Dreams
40. Rated
41. Teamwork
42. Still Standing
...43. Dying
44. Two Roads
45. Illusion
46. Family
47. Creation
48. Childhood
49. Stripes
50. Breaking the Rules
51. Sport
52. Deep in Thought
...53. Keeping a Secret
54. Tower
...55. Waiting
56. Danger Ahead
57. Sacrifice
...58. Kick in the Head
59. No Way Out
...60. Rejection
61. Fairy Tale
62. Magic
63. Do Not Disturb
64. Multitasking
65. Horror
66. Traps
67. Playing the Melody
68. Hero
69. Annoyance
70. 67%
...71. Obsession
72. Mischief Managed
...73. I Can't
74. Are You Challenging Me?
75. Mirror
...76. Broken Pieces
77. Test
78. Drink
79. Starvation
80. Words
81. Pen and Paper
...82. Can You Hear Me?
83. Heal
84. Out Cold
85. Spiral
86. Seeing Red
87. Food
...88. Pain
89. Through the Fire
90. Triangle
...91. Drowning
92. All That I Have
...93. Give Up
94. Last Hope
95. Advertisement
96. In the Storm
97. Safety First
98. Puzzle
...99. Solitude
100. Relaxation


01. What time is it?
5:54pm

02. Are you busy?
nope

03. Are you supposed to be doing something?
homework

04. What are you wearing?
camo pants!

05. What are you doing now?
taking a quiz and feeling full of food

06. What were you doing at midnight this morning?
sleeping as usual

07. What's your favorite color?
blue

08. Favorite pie?
pumpkin

09. How often do you bathe?
every other day

10. Any hobbies?
TONS: reading books, writing stories, writing poetry, making up music, playing piano, drawing, coloring my drawings, making things on Flash, making crafts, learning other instruments like guitar and violin, sometimes painting, etc, etc, etc.

11. Why do you think there are 11 questions for each section?
boredom

Random:

01. Do you know the muffin man?
i dunno, do i?

02. If everyone knew you by how you cooked, what would you be known as?
someone who knows how to cook eggs? XD

03. Can you lick or kiss your elbow?
i'm about a centimeter from doing so last time i checked

04. Did you just try to lick or kiss your elbow?
nope ^-^

05. Do you know how to cuss in another language?
never wanted to learn

06. How would you describe color to a person who was born blind?
it's like a texture that you can sense from far away without any previous knowledge of it, almost like smell, except smell is limited by the area, while color is limited by the distance from you

07. Where would you get a tattoo?
i wouldn't....

08. If you could spend a whole day with a celebrity, who would it be?
jackie chan, or maybe perhaps mel gibson, but i think i'll connect with jackie chan a bit more in conversation XD

09. How does your two-year old picture compare to how you look now?
i'm 15 years older now O_o

10. If someone went into your room, what would they think of you?
organized chaos

11. Without using a dictionary (living or otherwise), what is the definition of 'confection'?
opposite of perfection? XD idk

Factual:

01. What was the first word you ever said?
no idea

02. Can you drive?
no

03. How many times have you dyed your hair?
never

04. How tall are you?
5'4" i think

05. How often do you get in trouble?
not much

06. Do you think in a language other than english?
i have done so before but not usually..
unless thinking without words counts

07. What do the first letters in each of your names spell?
MLC MILK! XD

08. Literally speaking, how big would you say your mouth is?
O.o no idea?

09. How often do you get postal mail?
once a week or once a month lol

10. Do you make your bed everyday?
nope

11. How many books do you own?
in 3rd grade i had 324 (i counted) but now i have a LOT more, idk how much more but heck, i just came back from a book sale at the library where it was $1 a BAG and there was one the year before and-
yeah, i have alot of books

Personal:

01. Are you homosexual?
no

02. Do you brush your teeth everyday?
i try

03. Do you actually wash when you take a shower or bath?
Yep

04. Do you cuss?
nope

05. Have you ever drunk alcohol?
nope

06. Have you ever woken up with little or no memory of the last several hours of the last time you were awake?
no

07. Would you have sex (with an attractive [gender of your preference]) if someone paid you $100?
no

08. Would you live life over again, if you could?
only if i can choose what will happen XD

09. Have you ever thrown up on someone?
i don't think so

10. Have you cried on someone's shoulder recently?
no, all i have are my knees T_T i have no one for comfort like that

11. Could you think of 5 United States Presidents besides the first, and the two most recent ones?
easy



_____________________________


Starting time: 6:12pm

Name: May

Sisters: zero

Brothers: zero

Eye Color: brown, i've heard hazel

Shoe size: idk 6 maybe?

Height: 5'4" i think

Weight: 110 i think

What are you wearing right now: camo pants!

Where do you live: cali

Favorite Number: 8

Favorite Drink: apple juice

Favorite Month: May (figures)

Favorite Breakfast: honey nut cheerios with milk or cinammon toast crunch without (or with, depending on my mood) milk

***********Have You Ever***********

Broken a bone: no ^-^

Been in a police car: no

Been on a plane: four times, same year
two planes to get to our destination (Indiana) cause it was cheaper than taking one (crazy plane people) and same way back

Been in a hot tub: maybe... idk

Swam in the ocean: for some reason, i always had to stand
first when i was young, i couldn't go further, and the previous times i went, i always had mostly clothes on O.o

Fallen asleep in school: never ^-^ (except maybe kindergarten when it was nap time O.o)

Broken someone's heart: .... i dearly hope not

Cried when someone died?: actually.. no...

Fell off your chair: yup, and twisted my thumb (i turned around quick cause my mom needed help with something and slipped over and poof)

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: T_T yes..

Saved e-mails: i never throw them away XD

***********What is************

Your room like: organized chaos

Whats right beside you: i have like 20 things right beside me... umm..... paper and books

What is the last thing you ate: ICE CREAM!!! (at a BUFFET! i was in heaven)

———————-Ever Had-————————-

Chicken pox: no

Sore throat: yup

Stitches: no

Broken nose: no

————————-Do You————————–

Believe in love at first sight: maybe, it would probably be deep attraction until i knew more about the person tho

Like picnics: eh

———————————————————

Who was the last person you danced with: well seeing as i never dance with people much
i'd say about 3 years ago when i was in some onstage chinese hiphop dance (scary, i know) and it was a group thing
altho.... there was a part where a guy had to twirl me so i suppose the answer would be him

Who last made you smile: me i suppose, but i forgot when
————————–Who—————————

Did you last yell at: my dad, who else? no wait, my mom because we were at the chinese buffet and chinese don't hear you when they're with other chinese even if you're standing right in front of them
not to mention chinese are LOUD =_=

Do you wear contact lenses or glasses: i'd like to

———-Final Questions————-

What are you listening to right now: jai ho is playing in my head (from slumdog millionaire)

What did you do today: went to a buffet, how many times have a said this now?XD

Hate someone in your family?: EVERYONE KNOWS ALREADY, COME ON! my dad

Good singer: well i'm not tone deaf, that's for sure. and i'm hitting higher and lower notes, so i guess yea, but not quite sensational or talented O.o

Diamond or pearl: pearl i guess but idc

Are you the oldest: of my 'siblings'? yup

Indoors or out doors: i wish i could be outdoor but i'm allergic to everything
and indoors has internet and AC lol

——————Today did you———————-

1. Talk to someone you like: i didn't see someone i liked

2. Kiss anyone: pff i wish i could have kissed the one i'm looking for but he's not here

3. Get sick: coughing a lot O.o but i don't think it's from sickness

4. Sing absentmindedly: i sang purposely HA and maybe absentmindedly while i started purposely O.o today in loud buffet where no one could hear me or see me as i drew in the corner (i was in full view, but i'm invisible so ha)

5. Miss someone: really? you're asking this question? of course! there are so many... T_T

6. Eat: BUFFET BUFFET BUFFET
is this a trick question????

—————-Last person who——————

8. You talked to on the phone: don't remember

9. Made you cry: myself as usual (stupid thoughts/hormones)

10. Went to the movies with: i don't go to the movies i forget last time i did

11. You went to the shops with: i don't shop

——————Have you——————-

19. Been to Mexico: maybe when i was little

20. Been to Canada: no

——————-Random——————–

21. Have a crush on someone: hormones suck, i have tons of crushes and it's not my fault, i'm not even trying, i just meet so many people that i start to think more and more about as days go by IT SUCKS, STUPID HORMONES!

22. What books are you reading right now: wuthering heights i need to finish, i've had it too long T_T

23. Best feeling in the world: getting what you've been waiting for after so long (turns out, i get it and then i realize it wasn't what i thought so i never got it in the first place, but i got the feeling for at least an hour so i know how it feels)

24. Future kids names: idk

25. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?: no

26. What's under your bed: organized chaos too, markers, cooks, papers, pencils, CRAYONS i never use, pens, old toys i don't even touch anymore, dust

27. Favorite sport(s) to watch: idk i don't like watching sports much

28. Favorite location: ocean on a sunny day where you can see the horizon stretching more than 180 degrees if possible

32. Who do you really hate: dad, sometimes i think i really just hate humans, but it's just the bad ones which seem to make up the majority of newspapers and textbooks so that's all i hear about

33. Do you have a job: parents don't want me to get one "focus on studies" they said

35. Ever liked someone you didn't have a chance with: and sometimes i say i hate hormones because of this dramatic crap
yes

36. You lonely right now: as always >_>

37. What time is it now?: 6:32pm

38. TAGS: whoever even got this far in reading (thanks for caring if you did btw)

heh, my brain is full of the most complex thoughts you could imagine
i think of everything at once
and i mean EVERYTHING
there's so much in my mind that i couldn't possibly reach the speed to type it all or even say it

which sucks cause now i'll lose my train of thought while i'm typing cause i already missed a gazillion thoughts O.o

now what was i going to say?

god i'm confused about emotions again
darn hormones i swear
i'll always talk them down

wondering, are they going to cool down themselves or am i just going to have to get used to them?
geez

so anyway, the ending of the whatever we had between me and the 'one' that i love was supposed to make me feel more free and happy and less stressed
we're purely friends now
or so i thought
until darn hormones started popping up out of nowhere

i mean, i didn't deny that i loved him even after the 'end'
but i started to want more again

stupid stupid.

and then i got sad again
and so forth
i can barely talk to him anymore without feeling sad
i try to talk happy and then i start saying things that are sad
which will make him sad
...or angry

and it makes me feel even more alone...

=\


gosh why do i have to wait anymore?
it's tough to go through life with no one close to you in that loving way... (i know there are others close to me as friends, but i'm not complaining about you, k? thanks for being my friends....)

maybe my problem is that i get too obsessed over things

it's so annoying when someone else complains about it
and even more annoying when they complain about me complaining about it
it's not my fault dangit
i'm not trying to be obsessed, i just think about it so much that it becomes practically my life
what? don't think about it?

go away and leave me alone
this is my mind you can't tell me what not to think

who am i yelling at? O.o

anyway, i cry again
and sometimes i actually just feel like crying so i listen to my list of songs that make me cry

almost like crying gives me relief

yet i hate it still

to hate it yet to ask for it, i must be crazy.

i don't even know what i'm saying anymore T_T
my thoughts are far beyond this now, i skipped so much, alright, review time.


ah, alright
why is it that no one wants to help someone who is depressed?
you see someone who isn't talking to anyone because she thinks everyone hates her and doesn't want to bother them no matter how much she needs a companion, but what does everyone do? they ignore her because she's just some weird girl that doesn't have any friends maybe the reason for that is cause she's crazy and dumb and stupid stay away from her she's a depressing emo freak thing not even human
run away.

no one just puts out their hand and offers their help to someone sad
except maybe someone who had been sad before

ah, isn't it lovely? i want my life to be a romantic dream
great movies, putting the happy yay ideas into my head that this can be possible

i'm only 17 years old, i'm not going to meet the love of my life that i will hold and cherish forever who will do the exact same thing to me
someone who will obsess over me as much as i'll obsess over them
never let go no matter what

the only reason i let go of the 'one' that i love was because of the distance and the constant stress i had from that distance
i could never know where he was
i wouldn't know if he was lying or telling the truth
he wouldn't say everything he did even though i shouldn't be stressing at all
love = trust
they cannot be without the other!
or it all falls to ruin like this damn thing


by no means am i complaining about my friends now
i suppose i'm merely just wanting a romantic relationship with someone like those in stories and friends can't give that


there's so many opportunities that someone could come along and just be a part of my life in that way i always wanted
i'm here for you to find... but are you even looking?

instances where i'm sad are a nice start
just take my hand and i will notice your existance immediately

yesterday at the end of a class, i was walking out the door behind some people and the door was closing, my hand was ready to keep it open as usual, but the guy who was already at the POINT OF NO RETURN for most go-thru-door people TURNED AROUND and held it open for me

what did this do to me?
well, i smiled at him and he smiled back
that was really really nice..
a happy happy feeling that someone i didn't even know had noticed me like that...

and then the rest of the day i suppose i was in a cheerful sorta mood at that (except when i was stressed about something)
but then hormones popped up and now i think about the whole act as if he did that because he liked me
omg really?
hormones are you really that desperate?
it isn't happening damnit so stop trying!!!!
you're only ruining the body and making it even more hopeless than before
let me live my darn life already even without someone to share it with

where was i going with that?

oh, see?
that guy who held the door open for me
if he actually was the true one who'd obsess and whatever then poof
happy romantic ending/beginning

but noooo
the world doesn't work that way.

should i keep ranting?
this is how i talk when no one is listening

how many people do you suppose read this?
write anime in your comment if you have, and don't make it obvious, use it in a sentence or something
-edit- no one ever reads long journals but that's when people need to read something most because i'm obviously stressing
but no one cares
geebus
find i give you guys the weekend, then i'll start really complaining.-

gosh it's so sad when i complain about myself
i bet tomorrow when i read over this i'll think "what the heck was i complaining about? this is dumb, idon't need anyone"
or something
which leads me to why i'm always so confused
i continue to blame hormones... that's my only explanation, if you can think of any other explanation it'd be nice to know O.o

hormones are making me notice so many guys it's hard to keep track anymore
gosh, so there's a few that really stick out
the 'one' that i love
the 'other'
the first attractive one
the first 'liked' one
one that seems one of my best friend but hormones are making me think of him as more sometimes
^who is also the one that i sometimes think he's hiding his attraction towards me but my mind doubts it
and a new one just because yesterday he hugged me a few times at different instances of the day O.o
and now this one that opened the door



there's so many more i'm not including but i don't feel like going on with this list it'll make me seem...
ugh, like...
idk something bad...
i'm supposed to stick with one, aren't i?
heck i even stick withthe ones that i know aren't who i thought of them anyways...


god this is so confusingly annoying

when will this end?
i can't think of a solution to my own problems T_T
i suck at giving myself advice...
maybe i'll make a journal where i'll reply to myself and stuff...

unless that'll be spam
idk T_T